Thursday, June 04, 2009
Is it worth to struggle just to live?
Maybe.
Today during SS lesson, there was this millipede crawling around. Xihui was the first one to spot it. She told Dionne and I and said that it won't crawl near us. Haha. So we just listened to the factors that led to the fall of Venice.
Later, it moved nearer and nearer to us. Disgusting, how I hate insects. Anyway, it crawled away, since it was distracting us, or probably me quite a bit, I lifted up the chair infront of me and allowed the leg of the chair to smash it. (opps, hehe)
Xihui and Dionne were making noise, complaining why I hit it. -.- Then I didn't bother much and jsut observed the millipede. IT WAS STILL ALIVE. I only managed to smash the lower half of its long, black and yucky body. The other half in which it's head is attached to is still alive and unsmashed :O Oh man.. I had the urged to lift the chair to smash its entire body as I didn't want it to die a long death, why not settle it once and for all. However Kaheng, Dionne and Xihui adviced me not to.
I just watched it. It moved around. Later, it start to twist its upper body round and round. Then I realised what it planned to do.. It planned to twist its body round and round to break its upper body from the lower part of its body which is already smashed.. eww.
It twirled and twirled so many times. I was imagining how painful the process was if I were it. If I were it, I would just choose to rot there and wait for someone to step on me to end my life. I wouldn't try to save myself. When it was twirling, its body accidentally flipped itself upside down, its legs were facing upwards and it couldn't continue turning. However instead of making "my decision", it still continued.
I don't know what really drove it to be so determined. It really appalled me. Even though its just a stupid little incident of a millipede, I think its amazing. Even a millipede has a strong will to live on and even think of creative ideas (I think its considered innovative to think of twisting itself to break free from its "dead" part, at least for a millipede.). Why can't we humans have that strong will to live and think of ideas of how to solve our problems.
In the end, this admirable millipede managed to break free and crawled away from its dead self, limping a little. rampage and terror;
4:30 AM
Friday, May 22, 2009
my back is aching.
im worrying about many other more important things.
how.. rampage and terror;
5:56 AM
i hope you are fine.
take care.
***
thanks for being there for me (:
rampage and terror;
4:38 AM
Friday, May 08, 2009
3 years ago.
I was in the computer lab and my classmate
Terrence or Zhicong (either one, should be Terrence)
played a prank on me. They pulled my chair back
when I wasn't looking and yes, I fell.
The pain at the end of my spine has been haunting me
now and then since then. Reccently, it worsen.
It was somewhat like Kian Ann's case but for Kian Ann
it was merely an accident. Instead of dislocating my leg,
I hurt my back.
Just now, I went to the chinese doctor to ask her
what is wrong with my spine. She said my
tail bone is broken. Either she push it back forcefully
which will be pain. Or I just live with it.
Of course, she told me about how it would affect me
in future. I don't think I want to type it here.
Nice prank ,TERRENCE LIM YI JIE.
rampage and terror;
3:54 AM
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I'm done with Chinese.
I worked so hard but I didn't do well.
Just because I don't have the foundation.
Isn't that unfair? When I work harder than others?!
HOW IS THAT FAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY
Okay I must calm down.
NO I CAN'T AND THEY WANT US TO GET A1
HELP !
***
Pros and cons..
What can I say?
Half of me wants to give up.
The other pushes me on.
What to do?
Why can't it be smooth sailing?
***
SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO VENT MY ANGER ALL OUT!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
oh man, in Readers' Digest, there was a short article
about a new shop or whatever.
It's for people to throw and smash plates by swinging
them into a wall or anyhow you want.
Isn't that cool, or uncool lol since
its a WASTE OF RESOURCES!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HOW I WISH THERE IS SUCH THING HERE !
IN SINGAPORE ! or maybe not
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
OR A PLACE FOR ME TO SCREAMMMMMMMMMM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
***
Off to sleep.
rampage and terror;
11:34 PM
Monday, May 04, 2009
gone
gone
gone
gone rampage and terror;
6:34 AM
I can't believe my teacher humiliates me.
"Don't tell others that I'm your teacher," she said it several times to me.
Do you know how I feel?
I thought you were temperamental cause you were pregnant but NO!
Little did I know that it's just your character!
Yes I know, I'm not good at it but so?
It is not that I haven't tried my best.
Do you know every lesson I would hope that you would not scold me?
I used to cry infront of you when you scolded me and took in all insults.
Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore.
Did you even see the effort I put in?
Do you have to insult me time and again?
Do you have to ask a younger girl who is your student to flaunt her skills to me?
What is your purpose? To prove that she is much better than me?
Yes she may be better, but SO?
You think you are right.
You are just RIDICULOUS.
You are the worst teacher ever.
***
Today during recess, Kian Ann fell and dislocated his knee cap.
I didn't even dare to go near him. I was just utterly worried for him.
We were told not to touch him nor go near him as it may affect him.
In class, the people, they didn't seem to be concerned. People were still laughing
and engaging in their little conversations, maybe they didn't realise?
Only a handful went towards him.
Dionne was worried as well. I asked her to help me pray for him
since.. Im not a christian. Haha. Someone told me before if I'm not a christian,
my prayers wouldn't be answered. So well, I asked Dionne to help me
since it was chinese period and she was in the same class as me.
Really, I hope he will be alright, even though
I'm not his close friend. May god bless you, Kian Ann.
It was a shocking scene. I really wonder if there is such thing called
"compassion" in these people. Or is it fading away in this society?
rampage and terror;
2:22 AM
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Hello,
Thanks for talking to me today Qianni.
I needed it. I hope it won't happen again.
I can't believe you did that. I trusted you.
I didn't like certain things cause I knew it would
end up like this hence I didn't like it.
I thought I could trust you that was why I confined in you.
I thought you saw it coming as well.
I hope you won't say anything to anyone anymore.
It's okay, it is a lesson learnt.
I am confident. rampage and terror;
6:37 AM
Friday, April 24, 2009
Why must things turn out this way?
Why things won't go our way?
We can't even have what we want.
Just the basics..
It seems so simple yet so hard to achieve.
I'm sorry.
Now I hope that things won't worsen.
I guess thats the most I can hope for.
I'm very worried for my O levels..
Teachers have high expectations,
some of which I don't think I can fulfil.
They think I can make it and
always ask me not to worry.
Yes, I am a worrywart,
however I know my capabilities.
I will just have to try my best.
When I read the list of things we would do
to cope with stress, pasted at the back of the class.
I realise a handful of us will mask our unhappiness
by laughing or doing something to forget our stress.
Don't you think our lives are similar to F451?
I'm not sure that unthinking society will happen
at the 24th centuary. Maybe earlier.
2012.
If it's really true,
what will I do with my remaining time?
3 years from now. I will be only 19.
Is this the life I want to lead?
I doubt so. What should I do?
I need to lead this life for my future..
10 years down the road?
What if I don't have 10 years?
Won't I be wasting my 3 years doing what
I don't want? I'm tired.
rampage and terror;
7:53 AM
